Last night was the second night in a row that she asked.

It is my nightly ritual that I always tuck her into bed and give her a good night kiss.  But last night, like the night before, she wanted to know if I’d hop in bed and just lay beside her for a few minutes.  I hate to admit that my first response was something like….”I’ve got things to do Paige and you need to go on to sleep”…..but as soon as I said it, I realized what I would be missing out on so I jumped into bed and we snuggled for a few minutes.  She didn’t have anything she particularly wanted to talk about….she just seemed to want to chit chat for a little bit.  So we did that.  And it was nice…..just laying there in the dark and talking over the day. 

Why think twice about doing that?  I don’t know…..I start thinking about the laundry, paying the bills and all my other “to do” things and I start to rationalize that there is always tomorrow to lay in bed and snuggle.  But then I realize I am not promised tomorrow…..and why would I not seize the moment at hand?

I thought the same thing when I heard Karlee singing last night.  She is on the schedule to sing Sunday and she wanted to go to the Christian bookstore to find something to sing.  She found this great Christmas medley of “O Holy Night”, “Holy, Holy, Holy”, and that song by Michael W Smith that says “Holy, Holy, are you Lord God, Almighty” (can’t think of the title right now)….anyway, she was practicing it in the car on the way home and I thought, “wow, what a great voice she has”…..I am biased, but I also think it’s true!!  So I should tell her, right?  Well of course.  But you’d be surprised how many times I think how great my kids are and I have to admit I don’t always verbalize it.  So, I tried not to think twice about it and just tell her.  She’s right in the middle of practicing her song and I told her how great she was sounding.  She nodded at me (i think), and went on singing.  I am so proud of her and I just want her to know it and I realize, again, that I’m not promised a thousand chances to tell her….so I better take them while I can.

How often do I do that with my friends?  How often do I miss the chance to tell them what they mean to me?  Can anybody really hear “I love you” too much?

It reminds me of one of my favorite illustrations my dad would use in his sermons.  It went something like this:

Bob was a guard/watchman at a local bank.  He stood in his uniform by the doors and greeted people.  Bob had recently gone through a serious illness and because of that, he and his family had grown closer.  They realized how precious life was and that they should never take one day for granted.  They started saying “I love you” every chance they got.  They not only said it when they went to bed, but when they woke up.  They said it at the dinner table and when they talked on the phone.  They said it as they passed each other in the hallway or on the stairs.  It became their greeting and their farewell. 

So you can understand what happened next.  Bob was working at the bank.  He noticed a gentleman completing a transaction at the teller window and begining to head toward the exit.  Bob opened the door for him and as the man passed by, Bob said “I love you.”  As soon as he said it, he was so embarrassed.  It had just slipped out and he couldn’t believe that it had happened!  Certainly the man would be offended and as he turned around, Bob waited for the gruff reply.  Instead, he saw tears begin to well up in the man’s eyes.  Bob thought he should try and explain and began by apologizing but was interrupted as the man held up his hand.  “No”, he said.  “Please don’t apologize.  You don’t know how much I needed to hear that today.  My wife and I have been discussing divorce and I’ve been at my wits end.  You just reminded me of something I need to tell her.  Thank you!”  The gentleman took Bob’s hand and shook it generously and left.  You never know how important those words are.

I wish you could hear my dad tell that story…..you would have a big lump in your throat by the end. He is a great story teller!  And every time I would hear him tell that story I would think to myself….I am always going to tell the people in my life how much they mean to me.  Of course I was a teenager at the time and that mostly meant that I had to fess up and tell my folks how much I loved them and my annoying brother and sister!!  Why is it sometimes hardest to verbalize your love and appreciation to those that are closest to you?

What about God?  I think about how often I wake up and start breathing prayers for the day….for my family….for his touch on this person or that person….and I have to confess I don’t always wake up saying, “Lord, I love you.”  In Psalm 73:25 Asaph said, “Whom have I in Heaven but you?  And there is none upon earth that I desire more than You.”  WOW…..have I told the Lord that I desire Him above all else today?  Have I told Him that I desire to know Him, more than I desire to know what He can do for me? 

I’m thankful for a brand new day and a chance to say “I love you”!

Our Christmas tree is standing naked in the living room.

It is totally unlike us not to have it decked out by now.  We got busy with preparing for the garage sale and just ran out of steam on Saturday.  We attempted it again Sunday evening after church and did manage to get the tree up and find a place to put it.

You know you have to find just the right spot.  This is our first Christmas in this house and we had to decide……den or living room?  In front of the window or in the corner?  We moved furniture around and found that it wouldn’t fit in the corner.  We went to the other side of the room and found if we moved the antique sewing machine and slid the couch down, it created the perfect spot for the tree.

We’ve used the same artificial tree for several years and we still love it.  Ben packs it away carefully each year, and when we pull it out….it still looks nice.  You just have to do a little “fluffing” of the branches, and before you know it, this 6 1/2 foot tree is sitting in the living room just begging to be decorated.  But that is where we left it on Sunday evening.

Looking at it in the living room last night, I decided that without the lights and ornaments, it’s just a big bush.  It doesn’t seem like a Christmas tree at all.  Then I thought about what it would look like to just hang the ornaments on the tree without the lights.  You know what a hassle it is to hang lights and get them just right…..so that when they are blinking, there aren’t any big dark spots on your tree where all the lights went out at the same time.  So why the hassle with the lights?   Why not just decorate it beautifully and leave it at that?

You already know…..lights bring the tree to life.  It’s the lights dancing in and out of the ornaments that make a tree so interesting to look at for hours.  Maybe you’ve been to a Christmas tree lighting and heard the ooh’s and aah’s as people saw the lights for the first time.  The same tree, beautifully decorated, seemed lifeless…..and then the lights came on and the tree came alive.  It’s the same for our houses…..trim them in some lights and all of the sudden you have a “Currier and Ives” home! 

Light reflects, light illuminates, light draws people to it.  I guess that is why at Christmas, I love to sing about Jesus, The Light of the World.  That’s why the lights are important this season.  Every light I see, I think about the light that has been given to me.  And I wonder…..am I reflecting, illuminating and drawing people to Jesus?  Or do I look like the tangled mess that I sometimes pull out of my Christmas decorations box? 

Well, here is the hope that I cling to; maybe I am a bit tangled, but as long as I’m plugged in, I’ll still be light!!

We spent yesterday day in the garage.

Okay, it wasn’t the whole day…it was really the afternoon.  I was up at 8:00 when I heard the dog whining.  I let Bandit out so he could “water” my plants and then I made the coffee.  There was no point in crawling back in bed because I knew we had to tackle sorting through the boxes in our garage that were left over from our move a few weeks ago.  I was only going to sit down and watch tv for that first cup of coffee, but before I knew it, it was 10:00!  I had to force myself up and into the shower.  Don’t ask me why, but it didn’t matter that I was going to be spending the afternoon in a dirty, dusty garage sorting through boxes….I had to start with a shower, fresh makeup and my hair fixed.  I just work better that way.  You’ve heard of those people who spend the day in their pajamas?  Well, that sounds great…but I’d have to take a shower and then get back in my pajamas in order to do that!!!

We decided to make two piles…..the yard sale pile (for next Saturday) and the keep pile (and figure out where it goes later).  We decided that would be the quickest way to get through all the boxes.  You know what happens when you begin to stop and sort through the contents of a box…you can get lost in that one box for an hour!  So we resisted the temptation to stop and look through boxes of pictures from birthday parties and first days of schools, and boxes that contained books that we had read to the girls when they were little.  We put stuffed animals in bags, remembering the call from the dentist’s office telling Paige she had won the stuffed toy for that month (a huge snowman).

We should never have peeked in the “keepsake clothes” box.  I started that collection when Karlee was a baby.  There were some baby outfits that were so cute, I knew that I couldn’t part with them.  Several things we were able to use again when Paige was born.  So when we opened that box today, I couldn’t get over the little red jumper I saw.  It was Karlee’s first Christmas and she wore it when Ben directed a wedding that December.  I can remember how adorable she looked in it like it was yesterday.  There was the cute little skirt, shirt and vest that she wore when she was a toddler.  She would wear it on Sunday and look so “grown up”!  There was the black velvet skirt with matching jacket that had the red bows on it that was perfect at Christmas time.  

So last night I was out for my run.  I’m jogging around the block and I see the jeep as is passes me by.  It’s Karlee and her boyfriend coming home from the teen bowling night.  I still can’t believe it.  My little girl that was just wearing a baby jumper, is in a jeep…..with a boy!  This is still totally freaky.

I think I missed the reading the book.  You know, the one that talks about how to prepare for jumping from cartoons to kissing.  It seems like it is just that fast.  It’s must easier to talk about “this is the way we brush our teeth” than ”these are the rules for……well you know”.  

Why does it seem so strange to have to enter this phase?  Maybe because I’m scared to death of ever thinking of her heart being broken.  Maybe because I know this dating road is such a long one and filled with so many pitfalls.  I was hoping I could just keep her “on ice” until she got to Trevecca and found a good Nazarene boy!  I guess I should try and be pleasant to whomever she brings home.  It wouldn’t be very nice to walk up to him and say “Young man, if you dare mess with her heart and leave her wounded….I will haunt you for the rest of your days!”

I guess this is where I need to start reading up on “How Not to Embarrass Your Daughter in Front of her Boyfriend”?!!!  Does jogging count?    

Have you made yours yet?  You know, that thankful list.  The one you write down and then years from now, one of your kids will pull it out of your Bible and be amazed at all that you were thankful for?  Mine goes something like this:

Giving Thanks for…..

Ben…amazing husband, loving father, great cook

Karlee….precious daughter, so tender hearted, joyful, keep singing and playing!

Paige….precious daughter, kind and helpful, artistic, keep playing and singing!

A family that loves God

A special Church family

Friends who are “close” even though separated by miles

Email the helps us keep in touch

A cup of coffee and a good book

New house slippers

Time at the beach with friends

Watching “Facing the Giants”

Making no bake cookies with Paige

Going to the Y.E.S. conference with Karlee

A new devotional book

Romance perfume

A hug from Julianna

Ladies Retreat

The Lunch  Bunch

Costume jewelry

Recording “The Invitation”

Writing one more song….

All my Blog Friends!!!

I watched the American Music Awards last night.  I use the word “music” very lightly.  Of all the artists that performed, I’m not sure how many I would consider musical.

This has to be my age talking…..but when you listen to a three minute song and can’t understand one word, isn’t something wrong? 

It really seemed more like a dance competition.  There were girls dancing around poles, hip hoppers hopping and when Gwen Stafani sang, she probably had 30 or more dancers on stage dancing to some intricate choreography.  The song she sang was just strange.  It was called “Wind Up” and I think the main message was asking if your boyfriend could wind you up.  Not sure, those were about the only three words I understood.

Of course the Dixie Chicks sang and did a fairly decent job.  I could understand their words, but after they finished singing they barely smiled…..just glared at the audience like they were saying “we sang, and yes, we are still mad at Country Radio and Country Fans.”

I think next year they should just call it the Awards Show.  Unless they really want to feature some music!  That might be a novel idea.

ps.  totally off the subject, but I just had to tell you that I wrote a song yesterday that was so fun to write.  I started the idea Monday night and couldn’t wait to finish it yesterday.  I kept it minimized on my screen at work all day and would write lines to it, or erase lines and add new ones.  It still needs some tweaking…but I can already hear it in my head.  This is where I would love to be part of a band.  I could call them to come over, we could set up the instruments in my basement (need one of those, too) and I could sing out the melody and my band would be so good that they would just start playing along with me as I sang!  They might even help tweak the song a little bit, because that’s what I imagine a good band does.  We would love the song so much that we would sing it over and over until someone said it was getting late and they just had to leave and go home.  When I get really talented at this blog thing, I’ll record some of these songs I’m writing and attach it so you can hear it. 

We stumbled upon it while we were flipping channels last week.  She was in her forties, she was in denial and she was dying.  It’s a disease called anorexia. 

It was frightening to watch as they had video taped her at home.  It didn’t look like her thin, skeleton legs should be able to support her body as she stood and walked around.  Her clothes draped off her tiny frame.  All the while, she talked about how ”fat” she was.  She was completely unable to see the reality of what was happening to her.  When she looked in the mirror, her mind somehow distorted the truth and it became a lie.  Later on the show, Dr. Phil even brought on another anorexic patient and as the women sat side by side, they each commented on how the other one was SO thin….still completely blind to the devastating affects the disease was having on their own body.

How can that be?  How can the mind be so easily deceived?  Is it from years of listening to the inner voice say “I’m fat, I’m fat, I’m fat”?  Does the overwhelming desire to become thin finally overide all sensibility?  What would it take for someone to finally see the truth?

Truth isn’t always an easy thing to see….especially when it is a truth that reveals an area in which I need to change.  Why is that?  Why is it easier for me to point out areas in which others need to improve…but hard for me to diagnose my own short-falls.

In Sunday school we were talking about prayer and how God changes us through prayer.  I began to think about my prayer life (or lack of) and how it has been suffering lately and for some reason the picture came to my mind of how I’ve been “starving” my prayer life to the point that I might even be “spiritually anorexic”.  I could see myself looking in the mirror and seeing a fat, healthy Christian.  And then I could envision Jesus looking at me and seeing this thin, bony child of His who was in desperate need of some attention……wondering what it would take for her to see that she needed a healthy dose of prayer.  Not the five minute, on the run, out the door prayer….but the “in my closet”, on my knees type prayer.

(I thought about writing that last paragraph in the third person.  It would be easier to generalize that we might all be starving our prayer life and what we might do to remedy it.  But you might not be there at all….and I can’t hide behind that.) 

I also realize that the Lord talks to me in pictures like that and when He does, I need to listen.  I see these comparisons….and I realize the Lord is trying to shed some light for me….trying to hold up the mirror so I can see a little better.  I may not always be in tune, but I think the message may be that I don’t have to live where I am starving myself.  Wow…even as I write that it is hard to say.  Could I really be starving myself?  Has God provided this abundant life through prayer that I have chosen to neglect?  Or have I allowed myself to be satisfied with just a portion, when He wants to give me so much more?

I know without a doubt that He is inviting me to have a “second helping”.  There is no need to rush from His table.  There is no need to settle for a crumb when He has prepared a banquet.  And there is no need to wonder if I’m invited when He is already waiting for me. 

I’m sitting here overwhelmed tonight at how God comes in the midst of two people praying.

I met with a friend who had a burden.  As she shared her hurt with me, my heart was so burdened.  I could hear the frustration in her voice, I could see the pain on her face as she shared her struggles.  It doesn’t matter the particular situation, because I know we’ve all been there.  I have.

It’s the end of your rope.  It’s the place where you can’t go any longer thinking a magical solution will appear.  It’s the place where you can’t wake up one more day thinking that you have stumbled upon the answer.  It’s the time that you know you can’t carry the load any more…it’s time to give up. 

Why do we wait so long to get there?  Why do we carry the weight?  I won’t quote any scripture here; I know them all by heart, you know them all by heart.  I think that sometimes I carry problems on my shoulders without realizing it.  Maybe it was something little when I picked it up.  It didn’t seem like much to worry with; I stuck it in my pocket and worked on it when I could.  But before I knew it, it had gotten heavier and instead of turning it over, I thought I could still handle it.  Until the day the weight was more than I could bear. 

I guess that was where my friend was tonight.  And I knew that as important as it was for her to share her heart, we also needed to talk to the Lord, together.  And we grabbed hands and began to talk to the Lord.  The first picture that came to my mind was the time in the New Testament when Jesus was walking through the crowds and the Bible tells us that a women with an issue of blood reached out and touched the hem of his garment.  The woman had enough faith to believe that if she just touched Him, something would happen.  She didn’t require a word from Him or even an acknowledgement that she was there….she only needed to touch Him for a moment and she would be healed.  And I knew that was what my friend needed to know tonight.

So I began to pray that we could reach out and touch Jesus.  And oh, it was as if he was really walking by and we touched Him!  I know without a doubt that Jesus was standing beside us as we shed tears.  I almost felt that if I opened my eyes, I would see Him with His arm around my friend!  And I also believe, as the Word says, that He was making intercession at the right hand of the Father for us.  What an amazing thought! 

Tonight, I pray that my friend is resting in His peace.  The problems are still there….but the burden has been given over to the One who has the power to actually change things!  All we have to do is reach out and touch Him.

Karlee and her friends have a little saying when something is boring or doesn’t make sense, they’ll say, “I just wasted 10 minutes of my life for that?” 

The quote may not be exact and may sound kind of rough, but I think the idea is pretty good…it is about keeping things in perspective…and realizing that some things aren’t worth wasting your time on. 

I’m still trying to learn that one for myself, too.  I find that I “trade 10 minutes of my life” fussing at the overly cautious driver in front of me when I should probably be thanking them. 

I spend way too much time worrying about organizing my closets and not enough time playing Twister with my girls.

I find it much easier to grumble about a few of my co-workers, than to look for reasons to be grateful for the many neat people that I work with.

I guess with the Thanksgiving “season” approaching, maybe it would be a good thing to trade some time and choose to be grateful instead of grumble.  I think of myself as a grateful person…thankful for all the blessings in my life…but how often to I tell the Lord I’m thankful?  How often have I told my husband how grateful I am that he is a great cook and that he always takes the trash out every Monday night?  How often do I tell Karlee that I’m grateful for her smile and sunny disposition she has every day?  How often do I tell Paige how much I love those long hugs she likes to give me?  

It really goes way beyond a seasonal commitment, thanksgiving really is an attitude of the heart.  I want my heart to be so full of thanksgiving that it doesn’t leave any room for grumbling.  (Sort of like how my stomach will be so full of Turkey next Thursday, there won’t be room for anything else!  Sorry, I had to throw that in cause I can’t wait for the turkey!)

One of my favorite songs when I was younger said “In everything give Him thanks, give Him thanks.  In the good times, praise His name, in the bad times, do the same, in everything give the King of Kings all the praise.”  I wish I could remember the verse to that song; it talked about Job….it was a great song.  If I find it, I’ll have to share it with you.  Stay tuned….and remember, turn up your grateful meter today!  

Somewhere in a box labeled “Donna’s stuff” is the shoebox with the letters.

I used to have the box in my hallway closet, but since we moved a few weeks ago, it is probably still out in the garage with all the other boxes that we haven’t had time to sort through yet.  It’s a brown shoebox and the edges are tattered and frayed.  But the lid still stays on and the box has grown sentimental to me and I just can’t bring myself to put the letters in a different shoe box.

Along with the bundles of letters there is an empty bottle of Halston Z-14 cologne.  That’s the cologne Ben was wearing in college when he wrote me the letters.  (ok, he switched back and forth between Halston and Polo, but at the time, Halston was my favorite.)  I don’t remember how I ended up with his empty bottle of cologne; I probably asked him for his old bottle when I bought him a new one for Christmas.

The letters are mostly from the summer months of 1984 when I was traveling on the road with New Direction.  It was the PR group for Trevecca and our job was to travel throughout the summer months and sing at churches on the weekends, and at camps during the week.  We would set up information tables about Trevecca and talk to high school students about their future plans.  It was a great way to earn extra money for college and since I really loved Trevecca, it wasn’t a hard thing for me to talk about.  I enjoyed meeting and hanging out with the teens, but I missed my sweetheart.

That’s when the letters would come.  I would savor each line; Ben always had such a way with words!  It would make me miss him all the more.  I could almost feel him sitting next to me as I held the same paper that he had written the words on.  I imagined his hand gliding across the page as he wrote, I imagined him holding the pages as he folded them and I imagined him licking the flap and sealing it up.

I think about the kids of today…..will they ever experience the thrill of opening a love letter?  Or will everything be done through email?  Maybe it’s my age showing, but I can’t imagine the same excitement when you are staring at a cold computer screen and looking at an “unfeeling” font.

There is something to be said for the written word.  I think is has an impact that nothing else quite does.  Whenever I receive a hand written card today, I find myself reading it over and over.  I can’t imagine that someone in todays world would take their time to sit down and write out a note.  And then go to the trouble of finding my address, a stamp, and putting it in the mail!  So whenever I open my mailbox and find an envelope that is hand addressed…I am already amazed!  And then it is fun to see what kind of handwriting your friend has.  Will it be large and bold?  Is it small and dainty?  Is it slanted and looks like a creative left-hander wrote it?  It may even be sloppy and a little hard to read…..but it all tells a story about the person who wrote it.

I still have letters from friends that are five and six pages long!  I treasure those letters.  It’s fun to pull out those letters and read them.  I can remember what it felt like when I first received the letter.  It takes me back to that time, that day, almost instantly.  I guess those days are gone.  I’m not sure that my hand could survive writing that many pages to someone now without getting a major cramp.  But just thinking about how special it is to write someone (and I mean WRITE), makes me want to go find a pen and some stationery right now!  Umm.. stationery?  Well, at least maybe a sheet of computer paper!

Do you remember the ketchup commercial that used the song that Carly Simon sang called “Anticipation”?  It featured a juicy looking hamburger, just waiting longingly on the bun for a big dollip of ketchup to fall on it. 

I love anticipation…..I love the feeling of waiting for something and just knowing that it is going to be great.  That’s why I love going to our ladies retreat every year….I know that it is going to be awesome and I can’t wait to get there and get started!

That’s how I feel about the service tonight.  I just know that God is going to meet us there and it is going to be awesome. 

It has been a relaxing day today.  I slept late again today and this time I can’t blame the allergy medicine.  I just slept till 9:30 because I was lazy and I wanted to.  When I finally rolled out of bed, Carol made some muffins and coffee and we just began talking and sharing our hearts.  That is the neat thing about the family of God…..we are instant family whenever we meet.  There is the common bond of the Holy Spirit and we connect on a spiritual level.  Of course Carol is such a sweet lady and so hospitable, you feel like you have known her forever!

We sat and talked until it was lunch time and we were getting hungry again.  We made some ham sandwiches and went and sat out by the pool.  The weather is gorgeous and it was a perfect day for sitting outside. 

It was great to be able to share our hearts.  Carol is one of those real ladies who deeply cares for others.  She is serious about her love for the Lord and for sharing Him with everyone she comes in contact with.  We talked about ways that we are doing that and ways that we could do it better.  It seems the Lord is always calling us out of our comfort zone to work for Him.  That is not easy to do.  But there are lives that depend on our obedience. 

Hum…that is a powerful statement.  Could it be that I can reach someone for Christ because of my obedience to step out and that if I don’t, it may be that no one else will try?  I don’t know.  I’m sure if I am not obedient, the Lord will find another person who is and then I guess that I am the one who is losing out because I missed out on the blessing of being His vessel.

I think tonight of the opportunity I have of sharing my testimony through song.  What an incredible blessing.  What a sobering thought as well.  I must pray diligently that I am a useful vessel to the Lord and never one that gets “stopped up” with my own agenda or will.  I want to be poured out for Him.

The way He has been talking to me today, I just know it is going to be a great service tonight.  Yup, I love anticipation!