Donna’s Blog

Proof is in the pudding

I have a new favorite spot.  I discovered it just a few weeks ago.  I had walked past it several times.  I had glanced at it and never quite recognized it for what it was going to be….my new favorite spot.

Why is it such a great spot?  Well, the awesome picture window that lets in the perfect light is a good start.  The comfortable chairs and convenient tables is another.  The quiet atmosphere is another and it doesn’t hurt that they make really good coffee, too.  My spot is in Books-A-Million at Joe’s Muggs.  I had shopped in B-A-M several times and can you believe as much as I like coffee, I had never even wondered over to their coffee shop before?!!  I was hooked when I tried their chocolate caramel latte and a lemon square with powdered sugar on top! 

I spent a couple of hours there this past Saturday morning.  I had dropped Paige off at VSU for “Babysitting 101″.  I was delighted to drive up and see that it was pretty much vacant except for a couple of people.  I don’t think very many people have discovered this little spot yet, or know how great the coffee is.  I certainly was one of those ignorant people until about 10 days ago!  I wonder how long I can keep this place a secret?  Anyway, a couple of other people stopped by in the two hours that I was there, but nothing like the traffic you see at a Starbucks.  AND, they were’t piping any distracting music through overhead speakers!

It gave me plenty of time to do some studying and writing in my journal.  I used to shy away from this journal writing thing.  To be honest, I didn’t want to journal about what was going on because I thought it would forever be this “record” of all the things that I wanted to accomplish or change or be, and never did.  You know that saying, “the proof is in the pudding”?…..well, I figured the proof would be in the journal.  If I honestly wrote what I was thinking and feeling(and that IS the point of journaling), I’d be writing about things I wanted to change.  And if I did that, and then I didn’t change, I would have this annoying record of how I never DID what I really wanted to do!  Make sense?

Now things have changed.  I WANT to journal because as I write, I become convinced of changes that need to be made and I am more inspired to make them.  I love what I read in “The Artist’s Way” this week.  “Small actions lead us to the larger movements in our creative lives.”  In journaling, I begin to see some of those small steps I need to take, instead of trying to take big leaps and never get anywhere.  That’s something else TAW talks about:  “Rather than take a scary baby step toward our dreams, we rush to the edge of the cliff and then stand there, quaking, saying “I can’t leap.  I can’t.  I can’t.  Actually, leaping isn’t required right now…..just a few small steps.  I have some steps in place that I am taking and it feels great.

The first small step I took that, in looking back, I realize has become a really big step for me was to finally be willing to write down what I was wanting to achieve.  The dreaming, the writing, the work….all necessary “ingredients” if I’m ever going to make that pudding! 

And the Oscar goes to…

I love to watch the Oscars!  I watch faithfully every year.  It is fun to see the Stars hit the red carpet and see what choices they’ve made in clothes and jewelry.  But my favorite part is always the acceptance speeches.  I know most people get bored with those, but I love to hear what people are going to say.  It’s not scripted, they are not playing a “part”, they just walk up on that stage and seem a lot like a “regular” person.  

Some are overwhelmed and have to just stand there for a moment in silence; some come running up to the microphone and start thanking a thousand people.  Some pull out the piece of paper they’ve scribbled down all their notes on so they don’t forget anyone.  

I have three favorite Oscar winner speeches.  The first was Gweneth Paltrow.  She always seems so elegant and eloquent to me and that is exactly what her speech was.  She was dressed in a beautiful pink gown with a gorgeous diamond necklace that her father had “rented” for her and promised to purchase for her if she won!  She looked amazing.  She did not pull out any paper, but with a lovely grace, began to speak of her family and how loved she was and how that was the basis of all that she had accomplished.  It was the perfect acceptance speech in my book of speeches!

Then there was Julia Roberts.  She had on a vintage Valentino gown and looked fantastic.  I don’t remember exactly what she said, but I just remember how much she enjoyed winning!  I was so happy for her because I have always loved everything that Julia Roberts did.  So I was voting for her all evening to be the big winner and I was so excited when they called her name!  I do remember her speech was genuine and heart felt and it went down in my book as another GREAT moment in Oscar acceptance speech history!

Last night was my third favorite speech.  It was Forest Whitaker.  I don’t know a whole lot about him and I was actually rooting for Will Smith.  But then Forest began to speak.  I can’t remember word for word what he said, but he talked about following the dream he had had since he was a little boy….about the light that is inside of all of us and how we connect with that, and in so doing, we connect with each other and that is what it is all about.  I guess the speech moved me so much because it spoke to me right where I am.  I am trying to follow the dream that is inside of my heart and my desire is that in following my dream, I will connect with others.  I think about the dreams that each of us carry in our hearts and how important it is that we fulfill those dreams.  

I think about it in terms of color.  It’s like we are all a unique shade of red or blue or green and we become more of that color as we follow our dreams.  As each of us work together, encourage each other and love each other, we are putting those colors together and becoming this amazing rainbow.  A rainbow doesn’t work with just one color; it takes a myriad of colors and that is the beauty of it!    So here is to a day of becoming more of the color I’m suppposed to be!

Coolness

Yesterday was a day full of “coolness” as my daughter would say!

I got a call from a friend to meet for lunch.  That is always awesome, especially when we are going to the Two Friends Cafe.  I love their chicken salad plate!  I walked outside for lunch and I had no idea how gorgeous the day had become.  It was as the song says, “sunny with a high of 75″!  We had a great lunch and a great chat.  She had contacted a music minister of a large church here in town several months ago and had given him my CD.  He wants me to come and participate in a sing in three weeks!  It will include several churches from surrounding areas and I’m supposed to be sure and bring my CDs.  No problem!!

Then I received a call from an organization that is the “official” greeting service of Valdosta.  They provide welcome packets as well as several other services to newcomers.  One of the things they give the newcomers is a magazine called FYI and it has everything you would want to know about living in Valdosta and where to go to eat, see a doctor and attend a church.  In every issue, they also feature a local artist of some sort.  In this next issue, they would like to feature me!  Coolness!  They will come by to take a picture and have asked that I submit a bio to them.  The magazine will come out in June. 

Then someone called yesterday and said while they had been praying, they had a “word from the Lord” for me.  It encouraged and humbled me that they prayed for me and that they cared enough to call and let me know.  God is such a loving God!

Also, I have been excited this week because Karen Peck and New River are going to be in concert here in Valdosta on Saturday night!  You may remember that I received a call from Karen a few months ago after she heard “The Invitation” and Karen asked to put some songs on hold.  I am still so excited about that and even though I have no idea when they may record next, I am dreaming about the day when I could see my song on the CD jacket of someone like Karen Peck!  The cool thing is that I got word that Karen wants me to come early to the concert to meet with them.  “Can you make it?”  Uhhhhhh……let me think……YEAH!!!  IF I had anything else scheduled, it would have been rescheduled to be able to meet with Karen!

I read that Dolly Parton once said, “If you want to see the rainbow, you have to endure some rain.”  It felt like rain last week….but I am loving the rainbow!!!

It begins with beginning

Mrs. Steele was a gray haired, sweet saint of our church.  She sat on the second pew from the front, right next to Mr. Steele for more years than I can remember.  (Mr. Steele always loved to tell how his first date with Mrs. Steele was to a prayer meeting!) On many Wednesday nights she would stand up and give the sweetest testimonies.  They were always about God’s goodness and faithfulness and to this young mom they gave hope that I could endure, just like Mrs. Steele.

She was such an encourager.  She always knew just the right thing to say.  There were several times that Mrs. Steele would tell me that she believed in me and that she could see me on a talk show, or on TV or doing something like that in front of an audience.  I don’t know what she saw in me.  I was just a young mom, struggling to balance family and work and life.  But somehow, when Mrs. Steele looked me in the eye and told me how much she believed in me, she made me want to believe, too!

Well, I’m not on a talk show or TV, but I am going to be in front of a group of women leading worship at a ladies retreat on March 2-3.  AND, I’ve been invited to lead worship and speak at another retreat the following weekend.  That is definitely a big step out of my comfort zone for me. 

Singing is second nature to me; I am “at home” when I am singing.  And some would say that talking is second nature to me too, because I am always doing it….but talking and trying to share the word with a group of ladies for a weekend is a scary thing.  Even though I have spoken at a few retreats, I always find that I feel that I am so inadequate.  Which I know is a good thing…because I am totally reliant on God to give me the words to say.  How many times in the past have I prayed for speakers at retreats or prayed for speakers who were coming to our church….praying that God would give them just the right message that was needed?  Now I am seeking that same direction from God for myself.  I want so badly to be found in the center of His will and His leading as to what the women need to hear.  I realize they need to hear from God and not Donna!

So I begin with His word and asking for His direction.  I have written down several ideas and I am trying to decipher which is the one to follow.  It’s a beginning!  I love what I read this week from “The Artist’s Way”…….”The grace to be a beginner is always the best prayer for an artist.  The beginner’s humility and openness lead to exploration.  Exploration leads to accomplishment.  All of it begins at the beginning, with the first small and scary step.”

Mrs. Steele is gone now.  But on days when things are tough and I am feeling challenged to be more than I wonder if I can be, I see Mrs. Steele with that wonderful smile and that twinkle in her eye and I start to believe.

A New Day

Don boarded the plane to a new day this morning. 

He left Valdosta, Georgia at around 2 A.M. to arrive at the Jacksonville, Florida airport at 4 A.M. so that he could catch his flight to Texas at 6:00 A.M.  He is headed to a Christian rehab center to spend a year learning about who he is and what he can be now that the Lord has delivered him from drugs.  Don knows that he has a long road ahead of him.  He also knows he has a lot of friends who are “walking alongside him” as we pray for him.

Don called me yesterday to tell me good-bye.  He told me how excited he was at this second chance that God is giving him.  He told me he hopes that he can find a praise band somewhere so that he can continue to improve on playing the drums.  I think Don is a great drummer….but he tells me there is so much more to learn.  I told him we would look forward to the time when he returns to our praise team at church.

It seems like just yesterday that Don joined our group.  He seemed a little shy and reserved, so I couldn’t believe the sound he could produce on those drums!  He picked up on all the songs quickly.  It was different playing “church tunes”.  Don was used to playing in bars and for rock bands.  He seemed to enjoy learning the new music.  But then it wasn’t long before Don started missing practices and showing up at late for church and looking like he had had a rough night.  We were all worried and wondered what to do.  Thank goodness for REVIVAL!  God never gave up on Don…..even when Don was willing to give up on himself.

I think about how awesome new days are!  The Bible tells the story over and over of the new days that people experienced.  For the Prodigal Son, it was the day he walked down the long road to his home and saw His Father waiting.  For the woman caught in adultery, it was when Jesus stooped to write in the sand and all her accusers fled and there was only love left.  For Nicodemus, it was the night he was willing to exchange wisdom for becoming like a baby again.  For Zaccheus, it was when someone finally saw him for who he was, even when he was in the top of a tree.

Over and over the story is the same….life is hopeless and mundane until Jesus is invited to be a part of our life!  Then the most amazing things begin to happen.  We’re a son wearing the Father’s ring, we’re a daughter with dignity, we’re a child that has new life and we are someone who is valued by the Father.

I pray that as Don makes the journey today, he will begin to see the plans the Father has for him.  His journey may have taken a detour over these last few years, but all roads can still lead to the Father’s home.  I pray that Don will learn to hold the loving hand that is extended to him and that this new day will be the beginning of more new days to come!!

Taking a new step

I got to be a part of my parent’s first steps into a new ministry.

I am so proud of my folks and their committment to always follow the Lord, no matter where He may lead.  Instead of settling into the comfort of just pastoring a church, dad has felt called to more.  He feels there is a group of people that are not being reached; his heart is burdened for these people.  He and mom have made this a matter of prayer for a few years now. 

Yesterday was the beginning of fulfilling that calling.  A few months ago, mom and dad felt impressed to sell their home in Ocala and relocate to Grand Ridge, Florida.  They have been getting settled in to their new community.  Dad drives a school bus and mom is working at Wal-mart.  Dad continues to study the Word and they both have been praying for direction.

I don’t know when Dad found the empty church, but it wasn’t far from their house.  To make a long story short, the church was not being used and just needed a little TLC to get it cleaned up and in working order again.  The first service of the “River of Life” church was yesterday morning.  We got up early so that we could drive over and be a part of the service. 

It was like old times again when I was growing up.  My sister and I sang together, my dad preached and mom made a great Sunday lunch!!

The Singing Army

Sometimes I just need to be reminded of how awesome and mighty God is…just like King Jehoshaphat.

I’ve been studying about his life in the book of 2 Chronicles.  I had forgotten his story.  I saw it when I was flipping through and noticed some scriptures that I had highlighted.  I am a big highlighter!  Sometimes when I am looking for a verse that has brought me strength in the past, I can’t remember what book it is in, but I can remember if it was highlighted in yellow or pink!

In chapter 20 is this amazing story of his kingdom facing a battle.  The people of Moab and the people of Ammon decided to come to battle against King J.  He had already suffered an earlier defeat in chapter 18 when he battled in his own strength and I guess he had learned his lesson.  Because when he discovered a battle was about to be waged, he gathered all the people together and began to pray.

And I love the way he began his prayer:  “Lord God of our fathers, are you not God in heaven and do you not rule over all the Kingdoms of the nations and in Your hand is there not power and might so that no one can withstand You?”  And I love the way he ends his prayer by saying “We have no power against this great multitude that is coming against us, nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.”

To acknowledge the greatness of God is to exercise my faith and to keep my eyes upon Him is to exercise my trust.  Exercise is good for the spiritual body.  I need exercise more and more!

The response of God to King J’s prayer was pretty awesome, too!  “Do not be afraid or dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s”!!  The marching orders were to go out the next day and just be prepared to watch God do battle for them.  King J praised the Lord along with all the people, and then he formed a choir to sing at the front of the army lines.

Early the next morning, they formed their army lines, the choir took their place and as they marched, the choir sang, “Praise the Lord, for His mercy endures forever.”  Pretty good song!  And the scripture says that AS they were singing, the Lord was setting ambushes against the other army and victory was won!

I also love the fact that afterwards, the people gave the glory to the Lord.  They brought stringed instruments, trumpets and harps into the house of the Lord to thank Him for what He had done.  A grateful heart is an exercise in hope. 

And the scripture says: ” Then the realm of King J. was quiet for his God gave him rest all around.” 

Listen

Thirty minutes into the work day yesterday, I knew that I would have to leave.

I won’t go into all the sordid details of my co-worker problems, but suffice to say that the issues are building and causing grief for me, not only at work, but now at home.  The last two mornings I have been ill before I went to work.  That is not me.  I have been blessed with a carefree spirit; I am not a worrier.  I never have been.  I don’t loose sleep over things.  I never have.  So I knew when my body began ”sending messages” to me, that it was time to listen.

So I did something I thought I’d never do…I took up for myself.  I told my supervisor some of the new issues that had cropped up and that I was tired of what was beginning to feel like job harrassment.  She assured me that she would come up with a plan; she has been saying that for days.  I told her that was fine, and she could call me when she had it ready.  I will not continue to work next to someone at the opposite desk who is creating a hostile work place.  I was going to be taking a sick day.  I collected my things, locked my cabinets, turned off my computer, gave my “pending file” to someone and grabbed my keys.  

I have to say that almost immediately I began to feel better.  I was no longer the dirt under someone’s shoe.  No one deserves to work in the environment that I have been enduring.  Life is too short and too precious to spend my days in misery.  

I received a call from Jonathan within the hour.  He told me that my supervisor, the human resources director and my co-worker were behind closed doors.  I guess they are finally dealing with it.  I said that was great, and I was going to enjoy my day.

I picked up some lunch and headed to the school to do something I never get to do….have lunch with my hubby.  We ate in his classroom and talked about what was going on. He said the most awesome prayer for me before I left.  I had called and made an appointment to have my nails done, so I headed over to the mall to do that.  Nothing like a fresh set of manicured nails.  This is my one “treat for me” that I do on a regular basis.  I don’t spend money on highlighting or coloring my hair, I don’t shop in expensive dress shops, but I love to have my nails done.  After that was finished, I remembed that today was actually the day for my haircut so I went to the salon.  I usually have a dry cut because it is cheaper, but this time when she asked if I wanted it shampooed, I said, “Yes!”  I sat in the chair and enjoyed every minute of it.

Then I went by the church to meet with our drummer, Don.  If you remember my blog from last week, Don was delivered from a drug addiction during our revival.  He is going to be leaving for a rehab in Texas next week.  He is so excited about what God is doing in his life; we all are!  Anyway, Don called me this week and told me that since Sunday was going to be his last Sunday with us for a while, could we please do a special together?  He has always wanted to play “Walk Through The Fire” from my first CD.  He is at the church this week fulfilling some community service hours before he leaves, so I stopped by so we could practice.  He took a break from cleaning carpets and we went into the sanctuary.  I sat at the piano and tried to remember all the chords.  I have been singing it with a track for so long, that I wasn’t sure I could remember it.  I managed to get most of it right and we practiced that song and the one I wrote last week.  We’ll do the songs on Sunday night as a special send off for him. 

All in all, it was a great day.  I’m not sure what the day will bring today.  I did not receive any calls last night from my supervisor, so I guess they are still sorting things out.  Looks like it might be another wonderful day to spend as I please!  I know that is still what my body and spirit are telling me and I am going to listen!  And since Monday is a bank holiday, I’ll be enjoying a really nice long weekend!  I might need to get my resume together; who knows?  I am not worried, because I have been seeking God over this matter for a while and I have a peace about whatever may come.  I know without a doubt that God is still in control….even when I am baffled by what is going on. 

Can’t never could

It’s taped to my mirror on my dressor and I did it all by myself!  But before I tell you what, let me tell you why.

I think I first heard this saying from my mom—”Can’t never could, till he tried”.  I don’t remember specific instances, but I’m sure she said it whenever I was fussing about not being able to do something.  Now I find myself saying it to my girls.  I wonder why we so quickly say “I can’t”, instead of “I think I can”?

Here are some of my “I can’ts”:

I can’t……cook, dance, cut a straight line, sew, draw pictures, eat with chopsticks, play any kind of sports where you wouldn’t kick me off your team, braid hair, keep my closets organized, water ski or snow ski, play guitar, or roller skate backwards.

And those are just a few.  It was rather easy to make that list and scary to think how much more I could add to it.  Yet there are one or two things that used to be on that list that are no longer there.

Two years ago I would have added, “I can’t jog three miles”.  And I would have typed it in bold letters.  Because as a child, I had severe asthma.  Mom told me they could never find a babysitter to keep me because I would have an asthma attack and it would scare them.  I remember nights when mom would sit up with me and hold me because it was easier to breath when I was sitting up.  I remember we couldn’t even have the windows down in the car on a summer night because the “night air” blowing in the car would make me start coughing!  I was excused from any running in PE class.  Fortunately, as I got older, I began to grow out of the asthma.  But I was told that the scar tissue remained on my lungs.  So I never dreamed that I would ever be a runner until just a few years ago.  I started a nightly routine of walking three miles and really enjoyed it.  After a year of that, I decided to try some running.  The first night my pace was too fast and I gave up in the first mile.  I tried it again the second night and still couldn’t do it.  The third night was the charm.  I found my pace, and completed my first three mile run.  Now, I love it!

Another thing that would have been on the list is, “I can’t write”.  I never in a million years dreamed I would not only be writing songs one day, but that I would be working on a devotional booklet!  “Can’t never could until……”

So last night I got out of the comfort zone again and tried one of those “can’t never coulds” that makes me uncomfortable….drawing.  Well, not totally drawing…..like a portrait or anything, just something simple.  The assignment was to watercolor, crayon or calligraphy a phrase and put it somewhere I would see it every day.  The phrase is this:  Treating myself like a precious object will make me strong.  I love the phrase and I loved the idea of writing it down, but to write it down creatively…with crayons and stuff?  I’m a big chicken.  I already know it will look awful.  I almost asked Ben to just do it for me.  Ben can draw anything.  But something inside me would not let me ask him.  I guess my little “artist child” wanted to draw the picture herself.  So, I hunted under Paige’s bed for the box of markers, crayons and all crafty things.  I pulled out some glitter crayons and decided to give it a try.  I had to hurry because American Idol was coming on and I didn’t want to miss it!  BUT…..I also didn’t want to chicken out and not give myself the chance to act like a kid again with my crayons and paper. 

I surprised myself.  I actually like what I ended up with.  And this morning I can read it and be challenged by it.  It’s not every day that I say I’m going to treat myself like a precious object.  I mostly say, “Donna, just get through this day without screwing up!”  Now I know that is the censor talking and I am ignoring him!  I am going to try and “talk” over him and speak kind, encouraging word to myself.  I am sure that as I treat myself as a precious object, I will extend the same grace to others.

Maybe I should make another sign and take it to work! 

The instrument

It’s tax time again and that means my annual meeting with my CPA.  It’s not the usual “where are your W-2’s and interest income statements?” meeting because my CPA is my former boss, a Christian and a good friend.  So we spend a few minutes of the nitty gritty and the rest of the time we spend talking about what God is doing in our lives!

Larry wasn’t a Christian when I was working for him.  He hired me straight out of college.  I’ll never forget the job interview.  Larry was a partner in a two man CPA firm.  He employed one computer tech and a secretary.  He was unhappy with his current secretary, so I came in to interview early one morning before she arrived.  I sat in his office and we talked over my resume.  He seemed happy with my degree and the courses I had taken in college.  I remember him saying, “Well, I guess I need to give you a typing test.  Go type this and let me listen.”  He handed me a book and I went to the secretary’s desk and started typing.  After a few minutes, he told me to come back into his office.  He said it looked good and I was hired!  It was right before Christmas, 1985 and being the nice guy he was, he asked me to wait and start at the beginning of the year so he wouldn’t have to let the other lady go before Christmas.

I worked for Larry and Jud for six months and then his firm merged with another accounting firm in town.  This firm had five partners and employed close to 20 people.  It sure was a change.  But, I remained with the firm until 1994 when I felt impressed to quit my job and stay home with Karlee, who was three years old.

Of course, working at a CPA firm you had the perk of having your taxes done for free.  It was great.  After I quit, I continued to go back to Larry every year to have our taxes done.  I began a home based business and it was helpful to have a CPA to make sure I was keeping my records straight.  And every year we would talk about how business was going.

The conversation turned to writing music at my tax meeting in 2003 and going back to work so that I could fund this new “hobby”.  By this time, Larry had become a Christian and it was so neat to be able to share what God was doing in my life.  And then in 2004, we discussed the recording of my first CD.  It was so awesome.  Larry and his wife came to my first CD Release concert!   

When I walked in his office yesterday afternoon, his first comment was “So tell me all about what’s happening, girl!”  Of course, that’s all it takes with me.  I brought my new CD to give him and told him about the songs that Karen Peck wanted to put on “hold” and some other cool things that are going on.  Then he looked at me and said, “So tell me, what is your dream in all of this…what do you see yourself doing?”  WOW…..where do you start?  At first I wondered if I could put it into words and then I realized I knew exactly what the answer was.  It’s two fold…..I want to write commercially viable songs (recorded by an artist) and I want to be on the front lines in ministry.

When I am given the opportunity to share my music, I find that I have a passion for not only singing, but sharing about what God is doing.  I told Larry that I imagine I feel sometimes the way a preacher feels when he is delivering a sermon and KNOWS that God is putting the words in his mouth.  There are times I am sharing my testimony and I feel “led” to say something I had not planned to say and I know without a doubt that it is God.  That is an awesome feeling.  The coolest thing is that I know that God cares about someone in that audience enough to impress upon me to say what they need to hear.  Does that make sense?  I’m not a prophet, I’m just an instrument.

In fact, when I got home last night I was reading the next chapter in The Artist’s Way and she was talking about this exact thing.  “We are the instrument more than the author of our work.”  These songs are not about something that I sit around and think up; these songs are what God is wanting to say through me.   My job is to listen for it, feel it in my heart and write it down.  The more I realize that, the more I will be available to listen for those moments of inspiration.  The paintor, Jackson Pollock said, “The painting has a life of its own.  I try to let it come through.”  That is exactly how I feel when I am writing.  I take pencil in hand and just try to let the song say what it needs to say.  When I compose the music, I want the music to have the freedom to fly….I don’t want to stifle it by choosing chords that are familiar to me.  I sing it over and over until I find what “feels” right.  I am aware that I am just the instrument.

The author says that when she is teaching her students about screenwriting, she tells them to remember that “their movie already exists in its entirety.  Their job is to listen for it, watch it with their mind’s eye, and write it down.”

Today, another great song is waiting to be written, another symphony is waiting to be composed, another life is ready to be touched, another ministry is ready to be started…….will you be the instrument?