Donna’s Blog

taking care of Miss Paige

Paige started coughing yesterday.  That is never a good sign….cause when Paige coughs, a cold is always about to follow.  It has always been that way with her.  She will be fine one day and the next day, she is SICK!  No “I’m not feeling good, mom” a couple of days before…..she just coughs and then she is on the couch for two days!

I love being home and taking care of my sweetie, though.  The only bad thing is that we are in a race to see if she can get better because the big 5th Grade Spring Trip is this weekend.  West Gordon Elementary School plans a special trip for their 5th graders.  The chorus teacher puts this together and has been doing it for years.  Karlee went when she was in 5th grade.  She had the best time.  The kids take tour buses down to Florida and visit several parks.  She has been looking forward to it all year.

I’m about to go to the pharmacy to see if I can’t get some really good medicine for her.  And praying that God would put his hand on her today. 

Then it is back to the couch to watch some more movies!

Happy Anniversary!

Twenty years ago today it was a Saturday.  The March air was crisp and cool and it was a beautiful, sunny day…..the perfect day to get married.

I know this, because twenty years ago today, I walked down the aisle to become Mrs. Benjamin Norton! 

We were married at the Church of the Nazarene in Valdosta, Georgia.  The same church we would dedicate our first daughter in some four years later.  The same church we would dedicate our second daughter in another four years later!

The same church we would see our girls kneel at an altar and give their hearts to the Lord.  The same church we would see them minister and serve in.

The same church we would find and be blessed with such amazing friendships.  The same friends who held our hands when Ben’s dad died.  The same friends who gathered for class dinners and birthday celebrations.  The same friends who cheered me on when I thought the Lord might be leading me in a new direction even though I was the ripe old age of 38!

I could not have imagined all that twenty years ago when I took my dad’s arm and started to walk down the aisle.  I only knew that I was looking into the most wonderful face, of the most awesome man that I loved there at the end of the aisle.

Happy Anniversary, Sweetheart! 

You, too?

I think the five coolest (not most historical, not most spiritual, just cool) words in the English language are:  “I know how you feel!” (did you just stop and count those?)  I love those words because they usually come at a time when I am feeling most definitely that NO ONE could possibly know how I am feeling.

Why is it that I am always surprised by those words?  And then there is this huge sigh inside….this sense of relief that maybe what I am feeling or thinking is closer to normal than I thought!

It can come on the heels of some revelation of a deep trial I am going through or it can accompany a joyous outburst of some awesome event in my life.  I’ve experienced both.  I’ve shared hurts and sorrows and opened myself up in ways I thought I never would, and been amazed to look up and see the face of a friend who wasn’t just sympathizing, but empathising.  It’s like wondering around in a wilderness, barren and dry and stumbling upon a fountain of crystal clear water!

I’ve also shared some amazingly wonderful times in my life and those times have been enriched because of friends who “got it”.  I remember one such time that sticks out in my mind because it was at the beginning of my writing journey.  I had taken a big step out of my comfort zone and registered for Write About Jesus in Missouri.  I had never been to Missouri let alone a writer’s conference!  It was a strange feeling to be totally excited and at the same time, totally unsure of what I was doing.  I remember making small talk with some people, but not feeling like I was really getting to know anyone.  We were put into small groups the next morning and I remember sitting in the circle and listening as everyone introduced themselves.  I was thinking how nice everyone seemed to be and wondered as each one spoke….will that one be my friend?  Will I be able to get to know that one?  Is that one as nice as they seem to be? 

We took a morning break and while standing in the hall I struck up a conversation with Portia.  Thirty seconds into the conversation, I felt a special bond with her.  Portia was real and, well, herself.  We discovered we were both attending the conference for the very first time and that we were both just discovering this gift of writing.  And as she talked, I knew exactly how she was feeling…….excited about being there, but totally unsure about being there!  We have been best friends ever since.  And when Portia and I start talking song writing and this journey it takes you on, we are in a zone by ourselves!   I don’t know how many times one of us will interrupt the other and say “I know how you feel!”

This morning I read something that made me think the author knows exactly how I feel.  In fact, when I read it I just sighed a sigh of relief because I could feel a little more normal if someone else felt this way too.  Here is what she wrote:  “To be an artist is to acknowledge the astonishing.  It is to allow the wrong peice in a room if we like it.  It is to hang on to a weird coat that makes us happy.  It is to not keep trying to be something that we aren’t.”

It made me laugh out loud because I have an ugly old coat in my closet right now that I found at a thrift store fifteen years ago and I hang on to it because of the way it makes me feel when I wear it…sort of Audrey Hepburn-ish.  I drink my morning coffee out of a delicate, antique china cup because I love the roses that embrace the gold rim and the feel of the petite handle as I drink my coffee and pretend I am in a Cafe’ in Paris.  And my favorite reading glasses are a pair of bright green glasses with little red specks that hardly ever match what I am wearing….but I love them still!

You, too? 

little blessings

Yesterday I got to go horseback riding with Ben and the girls (can you call it horseback riding when you are just holding on for dear life?)!

Then today I was directing the choir and my two lovely daughters are now both in the choir.  How awesome is that?  I remember when they were toddlers, just running around my knees while I tried to hold my choir book and sing.  Now they have their own choir folder. 

Sometimes these little blessings just overwhelm me!

First chair or second fiddle?

I remember when Karlee came home in middle school and told us she made first chair in the flute section!  She had worked hard to be the best.  It was something she would have to work hard to keep, because the band director gave frequent “tests” to see who should remain in the first chair.

I wasn’t in the band in school, I was a chorus-geek.  So this first chair, second chair thing was new to me.  I just knew that I was so proud to watch the band play and see Karlee up front, in the first chair.

The second chair isn’t bad, but it isn’t the best.  If you play fiddle, you want to be the first fiddle, not the second fiddle.  (I guess that’s where the expression “second fiddle” comes from?) I learned that the first chair people get to play the solos, if there are any solos to be played for your instrument in the music chosen for that particular concert that you are first chair in.  It just automatically goes to the person in the first chair. 

I remember when Karlee was first chair in the District 8 Honor Band.  They had been practicing for 2 1/2 days and then the parents came on Saturday for the concert.  Karlee had told us that she was going to have a solo.  We had the video camera ready and I realized I was holding my breath.  She began to play…this haunting melody coming from the beautiful sounds of a flute….it was incredible.  I decided then, that I always wanted her to be in the first chair!

I thought this morning about how God must desire that for me as well.  His plan, His will for my life is first chair stuff.  He has some solos planned, He has the song of my life written out and sitting on the stand.  Why would I ever glance at the second chair?  Why would I want to play someone else’s song?  I’ve picked up the second fiddle before and then wondered why I did it. 

I’m thankful and hold on to my favorite verse from Lamentations 3:22-23, “Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed (not stuck in the 2nd chair), because His compassions fail not (thank you, God).  They are new every morning, Great is Thy faithfulness.”

Two words….Charles Billingsley

The first time I heard his voice was when Dave wanted me to hear a song off his new CD. 

We were at Dave’s office at BBMP.  I had just met Dave that summer.  I was a new writer, he was the experienced professional who had been in the music business for years!  He was willing to give me some of his time and advice that day on songwriting.  It was so awesome.  And then he told me he wanted me to hear something before I left.  He started hunting through stacks and stacks of CDs!  I didn’t think he was going to find what he was looking for and then he said he thought he’d found it.

It was an unmarked CD and he popped it into the CD player.  The most amazing music started playing….just this gorgeous orchestration…..and then I heard this awesome voice start singing these words:  The church is empty, but I just can’t go home.  So I stand for a moment in the silence all alone.  And I’m so overwhelmed at how Your spirit moved.  I’m just glad, that I was in the room.”

The song just blew me away.  It was exactly what I needed to hear.  So of course, as soon as I got home I had to go buy the CD.  I had never heard of Charles Billingsley….but I loved every song on that CD.  There were some awsome writers on his CD and the way he approached each song was fantastic.

Charles is even better in person.  We went to see him at Southside Baptist Church last night.  He opened with a song off his CD called “Fill this place” and I couldn’t believe how powerful his voice was.  What an enthusiastic spirit he has for the Lord.  He shared some funny stories and some serious stories with us last night.  It was just a great evening.  

We got a chance to wait around and talk to him for a little bit.  I shook his hand and he asked if he knew me from somewhere.  I wanted to say “No…but you CAN….when are you recording next and do you need some songs?!!!”  But I behaved myself!!  He signed a CD for Karlee and then we had to head home.  It was such a great night and if I was a CB fan before…..now I am a bigger one!!   

A good thing

There are lots of things on my list of “good things”.  Here are just a few: warm-fuzzy slippers, melt-in-your-mouth chocolate chip cookies, a day at the beach, an afternoon cup of coffee with a slice of cheesecake, an unexpected phone call from an old friend, a good mystery novel, a picnic in the middle of the work day with friends.

I’m glad that God gives us “good thing” moments like that.  I think He wants us to enjoy this journey He is taking us on. 

I read a statement this morning that made me stop and think about the good things that God brings into our lives.  It made me think about the fact that I truly believe He created me to be many things and that one of those things is to be a writer.  I believe it brings Him joy as I discover His will for my life and I embrace it and yes, even ENJOY it.  Is it o.k. to say that?  To say that I really love what God is doing in my life?  To be able to jump in, head first and not want to come up for air?  I think it took me a while to get that.  To realize that it is o.k. to really enjoy the time I spend writing and embrace every moment as a precious gift that I want to unwrap slowly.  

Here is the statement:

“Man is not free to refuse to do the thing which gives him more pleasure than any other conceivable action.” (Stendahl)

I had to read it a couple of times and then it just really sank in!  It is a good thing to be exploring the passions that God gives us.  It opens our world….we are brighter…..we are more accessible……we are more human……we live more and breathe more…….we are what we were created to be.

It’s a good thing.

Gray hairs and mirrors

It’s not like it’s the first one I’ve seen, it’s just that it was so bright and shiny this morning!  It was like one of those silver icicles you put on your tree at Christmas.  And it is flowing right out of the top of my head!

Gray hairs are not scaring me (i keep telling myself!).  I’m sure they will not overtake my head too quickly.  Maybe they will just gracefully place themselves strategically around so that no one BIG patch develops.  Darn that mirror for just revealing it so perfectly this morning.

I was writing in my pages this morning about mirrors and how nice it would be if they would reflect what you would like to be and not what you really are.  But that is not the nature of mirrors….they reflect what they see.  And really…..don’t I want to see the truth?  The scripture talks about God’s Word being a mirror that reveals who we really are and helps us see where we need to grow.  That is another mirror that is hard to look into sometimes.  Wouldn’t it be nice if every time I read the scriptures I felt the Lord saying, “Good job, Donna.”  Instead, I often read it and feel challenged about how much farther I need to go….how much growing I still have to do.  Then I thought about how growth is a good thing….we celebrate growth.

I remember when our girls were babies.  We had this parent magazine that told us what our girls should be doing in order to exhibit good development.  So we anxiously looked for the signs…..she holds her head up…..she follows you with her eyes….she rolls over…..she grasps objects with her hands……she can put herself to sleep……she begins to crawl.  We cheered every time she accomplished some small task.  It meant she was growing, she was healthy!

Is my Heavenly Father any different?  He knows there are stages of growth in my life.  He knows what to look for.  He is concerned when I ignore something and stiffle my growth.  He applauds me when I take the next step!  And when I have trouble learning what the next step is, He is there. 

Today, I know there are steps I should be taking.  I saw that in the mirror.  To be honest, my first instinct was to pretend I didn’t see it.  But I have this vision of a Heavenly Father, with a smile on his face that says “I know you can do it.”  “I believe in you.”  Who can resist that smile?

You never know

Tonight I was part of a benefit sing.  A local music minister is raising funds to travel to Russia on a singing/mission trip.  He will be part of a large men’s choir made up of music ministers from his denomination.  That sounds so fun.  Some of my favorite memories are from my days in the Gainesville High school choir and as part of the Concert Choir of Trevecca Nazarene College.

Anyway, there were several special musical guests tonight.  There was instrumental music, a trio, a duet and then he called me up.  I wasn’t really nervous, but the thought always runs through my mind…”wonder if they will like the songs I wrote?…..will they get what I am saying?”  I always usually start off by talking (my favorite thing to do) because I think it helps the congregation to get to know you a little bit.  They seemed to be friendly and responsive with several people smiling at me, so I started in on my first song.

When I sing, I look at faces and into their eyes.  I like to try and connect with people on the front row and people on the back row.  Of course this can be dangerous sometimes because you see all kinds of things and it can be distracting, so I have to quickly stare at the back wall just to get my focus again and not forget the words to what I’m singing!

There wasn’t any distracting things tonight….just people with pleasant smiles on their faces.  So pleasant in fact, that I wondered if they even needed to hear what I was singing.  I was singing about things like laying it all at Jesus feet, and how He still walks on water to rescue us, and about needing people to reach out to us and be the Hand of God and I’m thinking, these people look like they surrendered all of it…a long time ago.  But you never know, do you?

I had so many people come up to me and thank me for the songs….and for the WORDS to the songs.  And I had one girl hug me and whisper in my ear so her friends standing around wouldn’t hear that the last song I sang (“The Hand of God”) was just for her. 

I think the biggest surprise was the lovely elderly couple that was sitting up front all evening.  They had the sweetest smile on their faces and just a gracious spirit.  They both came up and shook my hand and the precious wife thanked me for coming and singing and told me how much they needed to hear these songs because they were going through some difficulties right now and it was just hard.  Wow….that just touched my heart.  I don’t mean to seem ignorant….I know that trials are no respector of person or age group…..but it just overwhelms me that God continues to use things he is teaching me through writing to help someone else.  And it reminds me again that when we hug that dear friend at church with the really big smile on their face, that chances are, that friend could be going through the hardest trial they have ever faced. 

You never know.

Quit that!

How weird is it that I struggle with something and then read about it that day in “The Artist’s Way” book that I am doing?

Take yesterday for instance.  I woke up tired; not just physically tired, but mentally and emotionally tired.  Maybe it is because I’ve been through two ladies retreats in two weekends.  Maybe it’s because I am dealing with “issues” in my life.  Maybe it’s because I am human.  But this morning I got up at the usual 4:30 early call and knew something was different.  I got in the shower, dried my hair and started the coffee.  It didn’t help that I forgot to empty the pot of the old coffee and so the new, fresh, wonderful, aromatic coffee began filling up in the cold, overnight, yucky coffee.  I tried to move the pot and substitute my coffee cup under the spout so that I could at least get one good cup of coffee….but you know what happens when you try that.  I did get some coffee in my cup, but not before it got all over the counter!

I pulled out my notebook of morning pages and started to write.  I just couldn’t get anywhere.  In fact, my pages all week have been kind of blase’. So I decided to pick up TAW and see what the next chapter was about.  It was entitled “Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection.”  I started reading and the first chapter was on the dangers of the trail.  It talked about the “blocks” we can put in our way.  It was really good, but I was still tired, so I thought I’d try and write again to see if I could get somewhere but I only managed a half of a page.  My eyes began to get droopy and I was having a hard time focusing, so I closed my notebook and headed back to the bedroom to crawl into bed.  I hadn’t done that since I began this journey on January 1st.  I wondered what was wrong with me.

After work, and a birthday dinner to celebrate my brother’s birthday today, I pulled out my book and began to read again.  That is when I came to the next chapter on “Drought.”  Here is what the author said:  “In  creative life there are dry seasons.  These droughts appear from nowhere and stretch to the horizon like a Death Valley vista.  Life looses its sweetness; our work feels mechanical, empty, forced.  We feel we have nothing to say, and we are tempted to say nothing.  These are the times when the morning pages are most difficult and most valuable.”

How did she know that?  How did she know I would need some self-protection this week?  How did she know that I would be picking up some “blocks” this week….excuses as to why I couldn’t do the creative things I know that I should be doing; things I really WANT to do, but am not allowing myself to do.  How did she know that I would not only pick up my pet block, but put it in my lap and hold on to it for dear life?

Just when I think I have fooled myself into believing the block is necessary and something I can not move, she writes that “…creativity is like a burst of the universe’s breath through the straw that is each of us, we pinch that straw when we whenever we pick up one of our blocks.  We shut down our flow.  And we do it on purpose.”  Ouch!